Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
