i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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