I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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