Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
