ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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