apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize