mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
