one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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