I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
