Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
