Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
