This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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