I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
