It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
