I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
