She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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