we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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