Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize