shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
