I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize