in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
