apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize