im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
