Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize