So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
