I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
