I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
