And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
