Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
