Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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