You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
