"it" just moved
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
