Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize