I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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