she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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