I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize