oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize