She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
