I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
