i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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