Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
