I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
