dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
