I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
