i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
