put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
