i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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