Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize