You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
