Non-Jews are for practice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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