she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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