I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
