how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
