What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
