I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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