Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
