She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
