While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
