Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
