I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
