Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
