It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
