Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
