Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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