he told me I talked like a deaf person
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
