You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
