After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
