The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
