Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
