Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
