So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
