I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
