I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
