Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
