I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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