You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Shame - the story of my life.
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