my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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