**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
