I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
