I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
