I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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