I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
