Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
